My office sits about 30 yards off of some very busy train tracks. I’ve yet to count out how many different trains pass by each day, but I’d guess it is 15-20. In the Spring and Fall seasons, I enjoy opening the windows in my office to let the fresh Read more…
If you want to be in relationships, you have to learn how to do conflict. One of my mentors, Dan Allender, says it well: “All good communication leads to conflict.” Most of us believe that good communication will lead to consensus, not conflict. The word “communicate” comes from the Latin Read more…
Yesterday I wrote about why couples need to keep dating after they marry. Sometimes it’s been so long since a couple has had a meaningful conversation, they’ve forgotten how to do so. When I say “forgotten” I don’t mean that they (or you, if this describes your relationship) don’t know how Read more…
The next time you find yourself in conflict with your spouse, take your shoes off. Seriously. Conflict in your marriage is holy ground. It’s where our life story shows up at a primal, non-verbal level. Our bodies remember things our words can’t describe. We offer silence and respect when entering Read more…
We tend to think about assets in terms of financial perspectives. How do we spend, invest, or save our money? Do we launder our money? How do I/we increase our financial assets? These, among others, are financial questions that every marriage deals with. Even if you’re not asking those questions, Read more…
One of my hobbies is woodworking. I love the smell of fresh wood and the tangible nature of seeing something created from start to finish. The golden rule of woodworking is measure twice, cut once (and also, as I’ve been told at conferences where I speak, don’t cut off your Read more…
The other day I talked about the different types of perspectives we have (some we choose, some that choose us). So much of what we see is based on our story, where we come from. Wendell Berry says it well, how is it that we can know where we are going Read more…
Four Questions to Guide in a Fight: When possible take the time with the person you’re in conflict with to talk about these questions. If you do, you will gain important understanding about one another. Growth happens as a result of increased trust and constructive honesty. 1. What happened? (data) Read more…
Stages of a Fight: Offense Escalation De-Esclation Stabilization Repair There is a direct correlation to the severity of a fight in regards to two factors. 1. How often does the offense reoccur. If your conflicts are happening about the same issue over and over again, chances are the fights are Read more…