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Life Process

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Life Process Theory

Building Trust

Most relationships I encounter in my office are suffering from a lack of trust. I think everyone is asking the question, “can I trust you to do right by me?” By the time most have arrived in counseling, the answer to that question is probably a “I’m not sure” or Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 2 weeksJanuary 23, 2023 ago
man walking on floor
Life Process

Some Thoughts on Evil

Evil is not in itself a thing or an entity. It’s the absence of an entity. Kind of like there is no such thing as cold — cold is the absence of heat. Evil is the absence of good. It will consume the good in those that let it.  Evil Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 3 monthsNovember 16, 2022 ago
railroad tracks in city
Life Process

The Demands of Others

Some people will ask (aka demand) that you jump through certain hoops to prove that you are sincere, loyal, or committed to them. These requests come from very insecure or threatened people, and are done so to control and manipulate you. The problem is that early on in the relationship the Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 4 monthsOctober 10, 2022 ago
photo of ramadan light on top of table
Life Process Quotes

The Question Holds The Lantern

From the late Irish poet John O’Donohue: “Humans have an uncanny ability to domesticate everything they touch. Eventually, even the strangest things become absorbed into the routine of the daily mind with its steady geographies of endurance, anxiety, and contentment. Only seldom does the haze lift, and we glimpse for Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 5 monthsSeptember 24, 2022 ago
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Life Process

Fixing or Healing

When we talk about ourselves or others as being “broken,” we begin to treat them like an object to be fixed, not a Subject to be known. We are people with stories and souls, not an object to be used.  Objects are made to do things. A vase holds flowers. Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 8 monthsMay 29, 2022 ago
where are you book on green leafed plants
Communication Couples Life Process Parenting

The Way We Heal

The way we heal the wounds in our lives is to tell the story. Tell the story of your harm over and over again until you are no longer limited and harmed by what has happened. This is the essence of therapy … to become familiar with our own truths Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 1 yearJanuary 24, 2022 ago
green wooden chair on white surface
Life Process

Narcissism

Creating an environment that is “us vs them” is fine for a sports team, but when that starts showing up in organizations and family systems, you are entering the category of narcissism in the leadership. Evidence of this in organizations and families can be seen with those that have left Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 1 yearSeptember 29, 2021 ago
Couples Life Process

4 Things Men Need to Know About Their Porn Use

Several years ago there was a similar theme showing up in my office with the couples I was meeting with: The husbands porn use. Upon reflection, I spent some time writing what I thought the wives needed to know about their husbands porn use. I’ve long thought about writing a Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 2 yearsJune 23, 2021 ago
Life Process

Two Questions

Fundamentally we humans are all asking two questions about each other: Do you like me; and Are you going to leave me. Both questions reveal the fragility of our identity, and to what lengths we will go to to avoid the disastrous answers to those questions. These questions have been Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 2 yearsJune 22, 2021 ago
Life Process

New Beginnings and Winter Driving

Editors Note: This is a guest post from Marten Fadelle, clinical intern with me at my counseling practice. To learn more about Marten or to schedule a counseling appointment, visit his website here. Happy New Year! While there is much to be hopeful for, and much to be wary of, Read more…

By Samuel Rainey, 2 yearsJanuary 13, 2021 ago

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