Most relationships I encounter in my office are suffering from a lack of trust. I think everyone is asking the question, “can I trust you to do right by me?” By the time most have arrived in counseling, the answer to that question is probably a “I’m not sure” or Read more…
Evil is not in itself a thing or an entity. It’s the absence of an entity. Kind of like there is no such thing as cold — cold is the absence of heat. Evil is the absence of good. It will consume the good in those that let it. Evil Read more…
Some people will ask (aka demand) that you jump through certain hoops to prove that you are sincere, loyal, or committed to them. These requests come from very insecure or threatened people, and are done so to control and manipulate you. The problem is that early on in the relationship the Read more…
From the late Irish poet John O’Donohue: “Humans have an uncanny ability to domesticate everything they touch. Eventually, even the strangest things become absorbed into the routine of the daily mind with its steady geographies of endurance, anxiety, and contentment. Only seldom does the haze lift, and we glimpse for Read more…
When we talk about ourselves or others as being “broken,” we begin to treat them like an object to be fixed, not a Subject to be known. We are people with stories and souls, not an object to be used. Objects are made to do things. A vase holds flowers. Read more…
The way we heal the wounds in our lives is to tell the story. Tell the story of your harm over and over again until you are no longer limited and harmed by what has happened. This is the essence of therapy … to become familiar with our own truths Read more…
Creating an environment that is “us vs them” is fine for a sports team, but when that starts showing up in organizations and family systems, you are entering the category of narcissism in the leadership. Evidence of this in organizations and families can be seen with those that have left Read more…
Several years ago there was a similar theme showing up in my office with the couples I was meeting with: The husbands porn use. Upon reflection, I spent some time writing what I thought the wives needed to know about their husbands porn use. I’ve long thought about writing a Read more…
Fundamentally we humans are all asking two questions about each other: Do you like me; and Are you going to leave me. Both questions reveal the fragility of our identity, and to what lengths we will go to to avoid the disastrous answers to those questions. These questions have been Read more…
Editors Note: This is a guest post from Marten Fadelle, clinical intern with me at my counseling practice. To learn more about Marten or to schedule a counseling appointment, visit his website here. Happy New Year! While there is much to be hopeful for, and much to be wary of, Read more…